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Coming Out pas Lebaran

Argghh!!
Can't get it out of my head!!

Pas lebaran tgl 28 Juli kmren, 2 sahabat terbaik ku mampir k rumah. Kira2 sorean abis magrib.
kebetulan rumah lagi sepi. keluarga masih pada silaturahim d rumah sodara.
Awalnya Sandi ama Aris (bukan nama sebenarnya) seperti biasa silaturahim. Makin kesini makin dalem. Mereka berdua straight, by the way.


Pas ditengah percakapan Sandi nyeletuk,
"Guys, udah 3 bulan gw make ganja. Please don't hate me. Keluarga gw lagi berantakan BGT. Tiba2 liat temen lagi make, trus ditawarin, y udah gw coba. Awalnya nyoba2 aja. Makin k sini jadi regular activity. I'm so sorry i let you guys down."

Trus gw bilang
"First of all, i don't judge. You're an adult. you do know what you're doing. I don't hate you. I hate myself."

nah, pas udah kluar kata "I hate myself" tiba2 muncul ide gw buat coming out k mereka berdua. I mean, ini lebaran kan, masa iya mereka bakal ngbenci gw. Trus kita dah sahabatan udah 9 tahun, masa iya gw pake kedok terus d depan mereka. gw capek mesti acting straight d depan mereka. Pretending that i like girls. Changing the words I use. Changing the way i look at a guy. It's so devastating.

Trus gw bilang
"Guys, Sandi kan udah confess something about him, I wanna confess something about myself too. But remember, I DONT JUDGE people. so please don't judge me. don't hate me.
And also remember, I'm still me. The same guy you know. gw masih gw yang ceria, yang jahil, yang suka bantuin temen, put friendship first over anything. It just the other side of me that maybe you guys could not accept. But I'm tired living in a lie.. i'm tired lying to you guys.. we've been best buddies for 9 years.

Tiba2, Sandi bilang
"STOP IT..!! I wanna go home. I'm afraid i can't accept it. I'm afraid i'm going to judge you."

gw kaget donk!! Gw pikir dia tau klo gw mau bilang apa. Soalnya gw emang paling deket k Sandi daripada ke Aris.

Gw bilang
"emang lu tau gw mau ngomong apa?"

Sandi bilang
"Tell Aris first, maybe he could accept it. I don't wanna hear it! I wanna go home. this is so uncomfortable."

Gw tadinya mau bilang k Aris dulu. liat reaksi dia gimana. but it doesn't feel right. gw pengen mereka tau klo gw tuh gay. i want them to know the truth dan nerima gw apa adanya.
Tapi pada akhirnya kita bertiga malah diem2an..
selang 2 menitan, sandi sambil berdiri bilang
"That's it. I'm going home. Aris, ayo pulang."

Trus mereka pulang aja..

ampe sekarng lom ngobrol lagi. padahal biasanya rame di group whatsapp kita bertiga.

sekarang GW NYESEL..!!! I mean, What did I expect? ngarepin mereka bakal nerima gw apa adanya dan tetep bertemen deket? what the hell did i thinking?!! They're straight! and they're republican. deket k agama. of course they'll hate me!!

What should I do?
apa gw lupain aja klo ini semua pernah terjadi dah pura-pura nothing happened.
Ato udah nanggung, gw bilang aja k mereka klo gw gay???

By the way, umur saya 24 tahun.

Mohon saran'nya.
Terima kasih banyak.
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Komentar

  • sunnyhoneysunnyhoney ✭✭✭✭✭ Diamond
    sekarang baru tanggal 29 Juli 2014 lho TS ,
    mungkin mereka lagi sibuk urusan sana sini , maklum kan masih suasana lebaran ..

    may i ask u several things?
    1. apakah km menunjukkan kalo km gay sebelumnya ? kok tiba tiba Sandi bilang kaya gitu ?
    2. udah coba mulai pembicaraan di grup whatsapp ? bagaimana reaksi mereka ?
    cause afterall, you're my wonderwall
  • anohitoanohito ✭✭ Silver
    memang lebih gampang nerima COnya seseorang yg make ganja drpada COnya seorang gay ya...

    klo gw dalam posisi TS, mgkn pilihan yg gw ambil adalah pura2 nothing happened. Mulai koar2 lagi di grup seperti biasa. Sambil menunggu respon dr Sandi dan Aris, berharap mereka jg pura2 ga terjadi apa2. Jelas2 Sandi nolak, kalo diterusin siap2 ancur deh.
  • diardidiardi ✭✭ Silver
    Interesting story you got over here.
    Well, from my own perspective, I think both of your bestfriends already knew that you're gay man, I mean you guys had been together for like 9 years right? They'll probably already assuming your orientation since umm I don't know, maybe by how you've been acting or the way you look at another man...

    Well,
    Cut the case, let's conclude this, may I say that ur bestfriends are not ready yet to face the fact that you're gay man and to think the idea of having gay bestfriend might have been too overwhelming for them and so yeah, that's why sandy pulling the freak out card and got uneasy...

    Just give them time to think and once they're coming at you, let them know that you're a proud man who happens to gay not the opposite one.
    You didn't do anything wrong brother
    Cheers :)
  • diardidiardi ✭✭ Silver
    edited July 2014
    Oups double posted...my bad :D
  • fadlifadlanfadlifadlan ✭✭✭✭ Platinum
    berasa baca threadnya cinta laura, english - indo … kok aku malah gk dapet gregetnya ya? knapa harus dicampur sih? mending satu bahasa aja, biar yg baca nalarnya cepet
  • fadlifadlanfadlifadlan ✭✭✭✭ Platinum
    i agree with @diardi
    i think they know about you. sometime you dont have to say
  • JonatJcoJonatJco ✭✭✭✭✭ Diamond
    kasihan jg sih
    tp mereka kok sdh ngerti ya
    jgn2 jalanmu seperti ASNTM
    0d65c6338da5282e2ece1d507aca7e.jpg
    [color=red][size=5]51CD6A2F[/size][/color]

    [img]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B3wV3-bCQAAlwEo.jpg[/img]
  • First of all, Thank you so much for all of your responses.

    @sunnyhoney ya.. mungkin mereka masih sibuk silaturahim sana sini kali ya.

    1. berusaha nunjukin?
    I think I've been trying to tell them. Kaya ngasih clue-clue gt. Niatnya biar mereka ga kaget. kaya pas mereka kliatan keren, gw suka bilang, "Wow, you look hot today! klo gw cewe dah gw cium."

    Gw suka lady gaga.. hahahaaa... playlist musik gw artist'nya perempuan semua. gw sisipin coldplay 1 album biar ga terlalu keliatan gay.

    Pas kmrennya aja pas kita makan di luar, Aris liatin perempuan, di samping perempuan itu ada cowok keren, trus gw bilang, "Ris, lu liatin cowo itu ya? kalian cocok kok. He's handsome, you're hot!"
    trus dia cuma bilang, "Akh elu tau aja selera gw kaya gmn... hahaaa"

    2. No, i haven't started any conversation yet. Takut dikacangin. Tapi bsok gw coba buat say hi.


    @anohito Iya kayanya bakal pura-pura nothing happened. Gw ga mau persahabatan 9 tahun ancur gara-gara ini.

    @diardi yeah, maybe they DO know. Or just suspicious about my sexual orientation. But to admit it and hearing good words from them would really makes me feel free. Because all these years i feel like i've been lying to them.

    " let them know that you're a proud man who happens to gay not the opposite one.
    You didn't do anything wrong brother"
    I'll keep that in mind.
    Thank you, mate!

    @fadlifadlan maaf BGT bahasanya campur. saya ama temen2 saya klo ngomong emang suka d campur. ada kata2 yang rasanya lebih ngena klo pake bhs inggris.

    Mengutip perkataan agan "sometime you dont have to say."
    Saya jadi punya pertanyaan, do we have to say it? Do we have to come out??
    Selama ini saya punya prinsip. I'll keep silent but if they asked me, i will tell.
    Tapi ga tau knp, kmren itu saya kebawa suasana. rasanya pengen saya kluarin semua.

    @JonatJco maksudnya gmn itu? ga ngerti.
  • JonatJcoJonatJco ✭✭✭✭✭ Diamond
    ngondek
    [color=red][size=5]51CD6A2F[/size][/color]

    [img]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B3wV3-bCQAAlwEo.jpg[/img]
  • @JonatJco well, saya ngga ngondek kaya olga. Lebih kaya Casey yg di eating out 3.
  • fadlicuyfadlicuy ✭ Bronze
    aneh banget temen lo....ngga usah lo ngaku juga ke baca ke gay an lu tapi masih mau temenan sama elu...elu mau ngaku malah tau2 ngabur. kalo gua jadi temen lu itu sih ngga perlu lu bilang pasti gua udah jaga jarak sama elu dari dulu-dulu. cuma skr ya udah lu erima nasib aja...mereka jaga jarak dan membubarkan persahabatan 9 thn ya sudah ngga usah dipikirin. kalo dia nerima elu ya artinya dia emang teman sejati lo. kalo dia yg nge cut....well akhirnya lo ditunjukin watak asli teman lo di tahun ke 9.
  • JonatJcoJonatJco ✭✭✭✭✭ Diamond
    ow umi elvi su caesy images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTWgzgfXSdn3ZIj0QA-WpReLLV9x62wVLlyWAQqAq8YIv9HLw3qSrWy8EpJ
    [color=red][size=5]51CD6A2F[/size][/color]

    [img]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B3wV3-bCQAAlwEo.jpg[/img]
  • susi_sisexysusi_sisexy ✭✭ Silver
    First of all, Thank you so much for all of your responses.

    @sunnyhoney ya.. mungkin mereka masih sibuk silaturahim sana sini kali ya.

    1. berusaha nunjukin?
    I think I've been trying to tell them. Kaya ngasih clue-clue gt. Niatnya biar mereka ga kaget. kaya pas mereka kliatan keren, gw suka bilang, "Wow, you look hot today! klo gw cewe dah gw cium."

    Gw suka lady gaga.. hahahaaa... playlist musik gw artist'nya perempuan semua. gw sisipin coldplay 1 album biar ga terlalu keliatan gay.

    Pas kmrennya aja pas kita makan di luar, Aris liatin perempuan, di samping perempuan itu ada cowok keren, trus gw bilang, "Ris, lu liatin cowo itu ya? kalian cocok kok. He's handsome, you're hot!"
    trus dia cuma bilang, "Akh elu tau aja selera gw kaya gmn... hahaaa"

    2. No, i haven't started any conversation yet. Takut dikacangin. Tapi bsok gw coba buat say hi.


    @anohito Iya kayanya bakal pura-pura nothing happened. Gw ga mau persahabatan 9 tahun ancur gara-gara ini.

    @diardi yeah, maybe they DO know. Or just suspicious about my sexual orientation. But to admit it and hearing good words from them would really makes me feel free. Because all these years i feel like i've been lying to them.

    " let them know that you're a proud man who happens to gay not the opposite one.
    You didn't do anything wrong brother"
    I'll keep that in mind.
    Thank you, mate!

    @fadlifadlan maaf BGT bahasanya campur. saya ama temen2 saya klo ngomong emang suka d campur. ada kata2 yang rasanya lebih ngena klo pake bhs inggris.

    Mengutip perkataan agan "sometime you dont have to say."
    Saya jadi punya pertanyaan, do we have to say it? Do we have to come out??
    Selama ini saya punya prinsip. I'll keep silent but if they asked me, i will tell.
    Tapi ga tau knp, kmren itu saya kebawa suasana. rasanya pengen saya kluarin semua.

    @JonatJco maksudnya gmn itu? ga ngerti.

    Foto lu sama temen-temen lu donk.cucok2 ga? Penasaran.com
  • real_raditreal_radit ✭✭✭✭ Platinum
    Teman2 ya aneh :(
  • fadlifadlanfadlifadlan ✭✭✭✭ Platinum
    prinsipnya itu "kita milih, siapa aja yg bolwh tau, siapa aja yg gk perlu tau, be more picky…! tapi klo seandainya ada yg tahu sendiri, ya bukan berarti harus kamu umbar juga"
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